i feel very '101 things you must do before you move out of London'.
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I've noticed recently that there's a trend for bar and restaurant owners to signify their individuality through the medium of toilet signage. No longer do you simply get a stick figure with a skirt and one without, which clearly indicates the boys from the girls (unless you're in some kind of fancy dress bar). Now, going to the toilet is like a challenge from the Crystal Maze.
Initials: At the weekend, I went to a restaurant where B was for Boys and G was for Girls. Today, the bar I was in had W for Women and G for Gents. I award them S for Sod Off.
Pictures: There already is an international symbol, we don't need your stupid individual signage. Particularly if it's a) an animal b) an animal dressed in a national costume or c) just plain obscure.
Foreign Language; I wish I'd done languages at school but I didn't, so my knowledge is limited. Therefore, I'm not sure of the gender of the words on the doors. Please don't make me look even stupider by making me walk into a room full of urinals.
Coloquial or dated words: Yes, I know what lads, lasses, chicks and dudes means. But in the interest of my campaign for clear toilet signing, we're going to have to knock those on the head too.
I was watching an advert for Save the Children this evening and it suddenly occurred to me how unfair it was. The seriousness of the situation was brought into sharp focus. That's right folks, I realised...
I'M TOO OLD TO BE HELPED BY SAVE THE CHILDREN.
No, I don't need any help. I'm unlikely to need someone to pay for a malaria net covered in ant-mosquito stuff. I'm in a fortunate enough position to be able to buy my own. And I live in London, where malaria isn't a massive issue.
Still, I hate to think that I've reached that age that means I'll only ever be mid-20s. And I can only enjoy *that* for another 18 months. If I make a million, no one's going to say "Oooh, she was miraculously young to have done that". Quite young, yes. Miraculously? No. If I get killed in a tragic zoo/lion/inattentive cage attendent accident, they won't say 'She was tragically young'. They'll just say it was plain old tragic.
There's nothing left for me.
Must be:
a grown-up. I'm excited that you've just moved to London after University, but I don't want to be the one to walk you through the 'why you can't just call in sick when you have a hangover' year.
non-ugly. Sorry, we're relying on you to have fit friends for us to perve over, and the odds are shortened considerably when you're funny looking. Apologies.
a boy. There are two girls in this house already, and we have just got our periods in synch. You would add an entirely new lunar cycle element.
a professional. Yay! You're trying to be an actor/musician/poet! Good for you! You can't live with us until you get a real job.
single. It's a four person house, and whilst I have no interest in hooking up with you, since I can't interview your girlfriend when you're looking at the room, there's no way I'm committing to allow her lounging rights on our sofa.
non-smoker. Smokers stink. Some of my best friends are smokers, but they stink.
a conversationalist. Coming to see the room and behaving like a sullen teenager does not make me envisage how much fun we would have over Saturday morning fry-ups.
opinionated in the right way. Having opinions you're willing to die for over who should win the quarter finals of Masterchef is absolutely fine. Extremely strong opinions on religion, the environment or politics are not. I respect your right to hold these opinions, you can respect the fact that sometimes I'll sneak glass jars into the bin.
I can't understand why we haven't found a flatmate yet...
With friends.
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Traffic. In a really big way. Still, on the up side there's ciabatta bread and red wine waiting for me in Sheffield.
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Do they board flights from row 1, when it's just going to clog up the aisle for the people trying to get to their seats at the back of the plane?
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- I have had the red taken out of my hair. And I have a very grown-up haircut. I like it very much, although miss the red a bit already. However, I may discover some previously unknown sophisticated side - you never know, I may even start eating grown-up things, like cheese. Haircuts can work miracles.
- It was marginally hotter today than it has been previously. I saw this on the tube:
It is a boy wearing shorts and flip flops. I didn't hear, but I suspect he was Australian. Stereotyping? Yes. Correct? Probably.
- I have been away with HP to the French Alps. It was great, but I suffered from Press Trip Anxiety, where every moment that you're enjoying yourself, you're simultaneously worried about the work you're not doing. I did, however, get time to sit by the fire and read a bit of a book (there were videos uploading in my room)
- I am off to Barcelona tomorrow. I sound like a spoilt child when I say this, but I wish I didn't have to go. I'd like to spend some time with my actual friends, and sleep in my actual bed. Yes, I need to do some blessing counting. Suck it.
- My wonderful mother bought me back Ugg boots from Canada. I got them last night, and haven't yet taken them off, apart from for 3 hours when I had to sleep. I could have slept in them though - THEY ARE THAT COMFY. I take back every mean thing I've ever said about Ugg boots and their wearers. They're the best shoes ever.
